Mediocrity

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averageness, commonness, commonplaceness, normality

Depression

Am I allowed to claim that I am depressed in writing form? ‘Cause I totally am. For more or less three years. I feel like I’ve been floating around the sea and I can’t see the horizon anywhere I look. I don’t know where the fuck I am heading.

While depression might be a good thing (I mean, some of the greatest artists were depressed, right?), I am not that creative. So, I try to do a few activities to get my mind off things:

1. Try to connect with people. However, at 27, I don’t think anybody my age would want to make new friends. You know, real friends. Actual people who will help you when you need them and vice-versa. So, I guess I’m failing miserably and it doesn’t help the depression. I made a few friends, though. I guess, that’s enough and I should quit complaining.

Some folks I met through Tumblr.
With Sam (as Belle) and Helga (as a Sim)

2. Going to shows and parties. I’ve been doing this heavily since before depression (BD) and it sorta reminds me of how lonely I am but at the same time my friends are there. So, yeah, I don’t know how to feel about this.

I’m in this photo with The Strangeness, trust me.

Ciudad.

3. Watch comedy. With the exception of a few dramas (Madmen, Breaking Bad, Boardwalk Empire, and, American Horror Story) I watch sitcoms exclusively.

This was my Halloween costume,

“First of all, we have a team photo”

I shoulda went as Jesse Pinkman, but, I forgot.

I like American Horror Story while I don’t generally like horrors

They keep me entertained. I keep laughing. I keep forgetting how alone and lonely I am. They also remind me about it. I guess, this wasn’t a bright idea too? I like laughing, though. So, I don’t mind.

Patrice Oneal kinda minds, but, really doesn’t

4. Write songs. While I said above that I am not very creative (or good at doing this), I still enjoy it quite a lot. I think this might be the only thing that doesn’t seem like a complete failure for me, but, when Mike Kinsella is your peg, you might really get depressed ’cause he’s really good.

So yeah, I just try to do the things I enjoy and milk the crap out of it. ‘Cause there’s no sense in staying depressed if you’re not good at it.

Photo credits: Mij Bautista, Paul Wenceslao, Shinji Manlangit, and VLC Media Player

Filed under: about me, american horror story, awkward., breaking bad, ciudad, depression, it's always sunny in philadelphia, mike kinsella, owen, patrice oneal, the strangeness, tumblr

Never Meant

Kids, as an adult person, you should learn to accept things that will never go your way. Things that seem right, yet always go wrong. Never force anything; let everything come naturally. And understand, some things are just never meant.

Filed under: about me, american football, music

Thoughts at 3 in the Morning

  • Usually, this is a time when you rant about how you’re unable to sleep and such. However, I did get some sleep; I’ve just woken up and I couldn’t seem to get back to the figurative bed. So, after 15 minutes of failed pooping and wrestling with my pillows, I asked myself why I can’t seem to get more than 6 straight hours of sleep. It just escapes me.
  • I also just realized how much stuff I have on me that I haven’t posted on the Internet yet. I can’t decide whether it’s because I’m too busy or too lazy. If you count watching a lot of Freaks and Geeks and tweeting productive, then yeah, I’ve been busy.
  • I guess my current goal is to post pictures, songs, and whatnot.
  • Speaking of songs, yes, I’ve written a few more stuff since my last post two months ago. I’ve recorded them to a demo, but I’m still iffy about them so I think I’ll re-record. Found a friend to join me in this project, maybe I’ll invite another. I want my music to sound as folksy and catchy as possible.
  • Speaking of my project, I wonder how I can get myself gigs without a manager, and without a natural ability to sell myself. I tried getting myself a show once (or twice), but I don’t think I can do it without feeling or sounding awkward. Thanks, self.
  • Speaking of awkwardness, I have a crush on Kate Torralba. I’ve met her a few times, I greet her sometimes on twitter, she greets back and actually remembers me during shows, but there’s just something about me that makes me act awkwardly when she’s around.
  • Speaking of crushes, what’s your definition of that word? I’m led to believe that girls and boys have different meanings to it, ’cause girls seem to take it the wrong way when I say I have a lot of crushes.

Filed under: about me, crushes, freaks and geeks, kate torralba, thoughts

Updates

I can’t believe it’s been almost three months since my last post here. I blame laziness, and, ironically, my hectic schedule. Too busy doing stuff, and probably too uninspired to write. My remedy for this is just upload pictures or videos of whatever it is I was doing. Like this one:


Cynthia Alexander – Comfort In Your Strangeness from Charls Dumaraos on Vimeo.

Here’s a couple of photos from shows I’ve seen:

Anyway, I thought you must know that I’m working on a Demo EP for my solo project, promptly called “Dumaraos”. I’ll post something as soon as it’s ready for download.

Lastly, I’m finally moving out of my mom’s house! I’m so excited. I’ve been staying here for the last 6 months and I can’t really say I loved staying here.

Here’s to independence!

Filed under: about me, cynthia alexander, deftones, gig, giniling festival, music, shows

First Week

As most of you probably don’t know, I moved to a new job after 4 months of “work” with *Aero ProSystem. I didn’t really want to leave them (for various reasons) but my friend Lalaine presented me with a godfather offer: day job, less work/responsiblity, and more money. I’ve been working for at least 6 years and I’ve never been across an oppurtunity like that. So, naturally, I grabbed it and served a 30-day resignation period with Aero.
To tell you honestly, I wasn’t really expecting anything from this new company I’m gonna call CityLove (CL). As Phil Dunphy would say, “The key to happiness is to set low expectations”, a life lesson I learned during year 25.
With zero expectations and the least amount of anticipation, I was surprised by what I saw. The only thing I’m gonna say is, unlike VEX, the people here know what they’re doing. They’re working at a really high level of effort and accuracy with little resource.
Since it’s my first week, I haven’t done squat. They showed me a peak of what I’d be doing for a lot of my time which all seemed really easy to me. *Dancing inside my heart*.
The only setback for this “too good to be true” stint is there’s no internet, which means I’m writing this on a notepad right now and will be sending to myself later. I say, this is self-progress (I’ve been trying to stay away from the internet for the longest time). MP3 players aren’t allowed, so I’m typing away to the sound of an annoying agent. Also, the bathroom isn’t “number 2” friendly.
Other than that, everything else seems nice. The bosses are warm, my teammates are funny, my seat is soft, and there are lazy boys in the sleeping room.

*i don’t think i should name the companies i’ve worked in. or should i?

Filed under: about me, work

Creativity

Last night, I saw a cab named after me. Jeez. You’d sometimes think that you’ve created something that’s so original that nobody else thought about it then one time this shows up.

Filed under: about me, cabs, creativity

Here’s Plan B

The first time I ever saw The Purplechickens play was when they played with my cousin’s band, Giniling Festival, in one of their first gigs I attended. This was probably in Mayric’s (now Sazi’s) circa 2003. Giniling Festival was fairly new, so they played last (I think) and unleashed one of the greatest local performances I’ve ever seen (before they started, Jeje shouted “ANG UMUWE, MAMAMATAY“. golden.)

Anyway, one of the bands that night was, well, Purplechickens. I remember my cousin remarking, “galing nila ‘no?“. And I agreed completely. Like a small town boy getting told what to do.

After a year, the Purplechickens released their album Here’s Plan B. Naturally, my cousin bought one out of admiration for the band and naturally, he shared the love.

And love I received. The album was smashing. Brilliant. Remarkable. Outstanding. I found myself listening to the album on a loop while playing NBA Live 2003. It was one of those records you’d love from start to finish. Just like the other 4 of my top 5 OPM albums (no order):

  • Cambio – Derby Light
  • Sugarfree – Sa Wakas
  • Itchyworms – Noon Time Show
  • Eraserheads – Natin99
A few years passed, I lost all data from my old PC. I was contacting the band about getting their last copy, but for some reason, the idea drifted. Recently, I was asking them again about it but they already have sold it.
So much for musical cravings.
One day, Kathy G., tweeted that she won P2,000 from the local lottery. And you just know I was gonna joke about getting balato. Instead of letting me in for free at her production that coming Saturday, she gave me a couple of links that literally made me want to cry. One of them was the record I’ve been craving for for the last 4 or so years.
Suddenly, I feel like one of the Survivor players where food was scarce and really cherished it when they won food rewards. It was amazing. I’m still listening to the album as of this writing. And yes, hints of tears.

Filed under: about me, cambio, eraserheads, giniling festival, here's plan b, itchyworms, music, opm, purplechickens, sugarfree

Sedentary Lifestyle

A.K.A. slacking off, couch potato person, sofa spud.

In other words, my life.
I bet, from those first two sentences, you’ll know exactly how I learned the term Sedentary Lifestyle. Yes, from browsing the internet too much.
Here’s another term to ponder on: Visceral Fat. It really sounded catchy, which is why I googled it as soon as I read it. In layman’s terms, it’s fat on your belly. Fat you get for having a sedentary lifestyle.
Cool. Now I can stop wondering why I have a big belly despite not drinking alcohol at all.
Go read up on them yourself. I feel too lazy (even on the internet) to explain, darnit. Too lazy. Even on the internet. Probably why I’m blogging like this right now. Laziness.
So now I’m planning on maybe playing basketball again to burn all the ‘potential energy’ stored in my mid-section. Well, at least that’s the plan. You all know how I am with execution.

Filed under: about me, couch potato, sedentary lifestyle, visceral fat

Birthdays

as posted on wecomeofage

I’ve never celebrated birthdays like a normal person does. The cynic inside me tells me that nobody really likes me anyway; nobody will go to my party if I ever hold one. Except maybe my parents and my siblings. Which sucks, ‘cause although you need to be surrounding yourself with people who trust and love you, you get sick of them anyway.

Another part of me just wants to celebrate it by rewarding my body something it doesn’t normally get: long sleep. Maybe I’m too busy with work. Maybe I’m too busy with the Internet or television or the movies. Maybe I’m an undiagnosed insomniac. Who knows? I just couldn’t get sleep for more than six hours — even if I spend 12-14 hours in bed.

The wise person inside me never wants to celebrate it on any significant date. It says it doesn’t make sense. It says I don’t look that much different from myself exactly a year ago which means I really haven’t age. Unless of course you compare me to myself five years ago, which is stupid. What are you celebrating for? You’ve just gotten fatter. You want to eat on your birthday? It’ll just make you even fatter. Get some sense to yourself.

Wise person can really be cruel. But he tells the truth. He’s wise. Who am I to challenge his authority? He tells me the only way you could have aged is when you learn something new or different. Something that will make you a better person. Better human being.

I used to hate the rest of the world. As I’ve said earlier, I have this feeling that nobody really ever liked me which makes me not like them either. Everybody’s a jack-ass. Then, for some reason unbeknownst to me, I somehow learned (maybe through the internet, I’ll never be sure) that, yeah, including myself, everyone is going through something in their lives. Something probably makes them feel depressed — even the rich ones. And you’ll never know what will push them over the edge. Since then, I tried very hard not to snap at anybody, cause you’ll never know. You just won’t. Until you talk to them and maybe help them with it.

I am 26 now, I turn a year older every December and I still think most of the people I know don’t like me as much as I like them. But I learned not to care enough to confront them about it. In it’s stead, I just surround myself with people who like me enough to spend some time with me on the day I remind myself that only my body gets old, my thoughts are still childish.

Filed under: about me, birthdays, wecomeofage

Deepression

I’ve spent the last couple of days feeling really out of it. Think of any word that’s synonymous to sad, that’s me. I feel like somebody close to me died and I’ve been moping around like Charlie Brown. Sometimes I think I AM Charlie Brown. I mean, we already have the same name and we’re bummed out most of the time. The only difference between us is he’s bald and I don’t have a dog.

Why not just keep myself busy? I’ve been watching a bunch of TV programs despite planning not to. Good thing a lot of comedies are coming out this fall: How I Met Your Mother, Weeds, Modern Family etc. These should lighten up my mood while I’m at home until I pass out.
I’ve also finished a bunch of Louis C.K. specials which got me a bit more depressed about where my body is headed. I mean, if I keep eating a bunch of junk, my body will look exactly like his. Seriously. I need to stop. At least for the time being. So far, I’ve denied my body of ice cream, chocolate, and an extra serving of rice. So, the diet has been going well since the week started. I guess that’s something to be happy about. Or not. Maybe food will make me happy. I mean, the diet is one of the two things that changed this week. Maybe I should just stop. I really want that piece of chocolate from the ref.
Anyway, there’s this girl. End of story. That’s all you need to know about that… is that she’s a girl.
Girls confuse me all the time. One minute, they’re all over you. Next thing, they’re ignoring your IMs. Such puzzles, these creatures.
One good thing I got from all this melancholy, is I’ve had name ideas for my solo project thing (and I totally have a private gig on Saturday btw). Here’s three of them:
  • Bummer Man
  • A- (as in, A Negative, the blood type)
  • Mope Head
I need people to suggest me a few more. Something catchy and will make you think of depression the instant you hear it.
And now, it’s raining outside. Perfect.

Filed under: about me, band, depression, emo