Mediocrity

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averageness, commonness, commonplaceness, normality

I Feel You, Andy. I Feel You.

WHY?

This is The Office’s Andy. I make the same forlorn, dejected face whenever I feel like I lost something that I’m emotional about. That exact same face. Looking down. Almost smiling, but never really. Hints of getting ready to scream and cry “WHY?” out loud.

I really felt Andy in the latest Office episode. It has happened to me a million times, and I don’t think things will ever get tired of doing it to me. I sometimes think that it’s just the way it’s supposed to be. Melancholy and infinite sadness, referencing the ever morose Billy Corgan.

To make matters worse, they end the episode with Andy singing the Macy Gray song, I Try. Truly one of the saddest lyrics ever.

Here is my confession
May I be your possession
Boy, I need your touch
Your love, kisses and such
With all my might I try
But this I can’t deny
Deny
I play it off, but I’m dreaming of you
(but I’m dreaming of you babe)
And I’ll keep my cool, but I’m feenin’
I try to say goodbye and I choke (yeah)
Try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide, it’s clear
My world crumbles when you are not near
(when you are not near aahh)
Goodbye and I choke (yeah, yeah, yeah)
I try to walk away and I stumble (hey, hey, hey)
Though I try to hide it, it’s clear (say it Lord)
My world crumbles when you are not here
Goodbye and I choke (I’m choking)
I try to walk away and I stumbe
Though I try to hide it, it’s clear
My world crumbles when you are not near
(when you are not near, yeah, yeah yeah)
Yeah, yeah..
Anyway, I’m a bit teary-eyed right now and felt like writing this down real quick. Just to let everybody know at at exactly 2:58PM on a rainy Saturday afternoon, Charles is as sad as Andy.

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Filed under: emo, macy gray, the office, tv

Deepression

I’ve spent the last couple of days feeling really out of it. Think of any word that’s synonymous to sad, that’s me. I feel like somebody close to me died and I’ve been moping around like Charlie Brown. Sometimes I think I AM Charlie Brown. I mean, we already have the same name and we’re bummed out most of the time. The only difference between us is he’s bald and I don’t have a dog.

Why not just keep myself busy? I’ve been watching a bunch of TV programs despite planning not to. Good thing a lot of comedies are coming out this fall: How I Met Your Mother, Weeds, Modern Family etc. These should lighten up my mood while I’m at home until I pass out.
I’ve also finished a bunch of Louis C.K. specials which got me a bit more depressed about where my body is headed. I mean, if I keep eating a bunch of junk, my body will look exactly like his. Seriously. I need to stop. At least for the time being. So far, I’ve denied my body of ice cream, chocolate, and an extra serving of rice. So, the diet has been going well since the week started. I guess that’s something to be happy about. Or not. Maybe food will make me happy. I mean, the diet is one of the two things that changed this week. Maybe I should just stop. I really want that piece of chocolate from the ref.
Anyway, there’s this girl. End of story. That’s all you need to know about that… is that she’s a girl.
Girls confuse me all the time. One minute, they’re all over you. Next thing, they’re ignoring your IMs. Such puzzles, these creatures.
One good thing I got from all this melancholy, is I’ve had name ideas for my solo project thing (and I totally have a private gig on Saturday btw). Here’s three of them:
  • Bummer Man
  • A- (as in, A Negative, the blood type)
  • Mope Head
I need people to suggest me a few more. Something catchy and will make you think of depression the instant you hear it.
And now, it’s raining outside. Perfect.

Filed under: about me, band, depression, emo

Forever Alone

I’ve been pondering about my relationship life ever since Chui tweeted this meme with the #foreveralone hash tag. Don’t get me wrong, it’s as funny as any meme out there, but whenever a joke hits you dead in the chest, you’re bound to lament over your current status, former romances, and past decisions. Also, seeing your contemporaries be happy as f*ck won’t help either.

Are you doing the right things? Am I good enough? Will I ever good enough? You’re not annoying, are you? What went wrong? What happened? She wasn’t so bad. Did you handle that right? Did you ever handle anything right? These are some questions that come to mind, shattering your self-esteem in the process.

However, it’s still nice to look at things on the brighter side. (hello, chance-to-use-bullets)

  • I do enjoy watching TV/Movies by myself. I save myself from being bombarded with silly questions whose answers stares you in the face.
  • I can write more songs and do other projects/hobbies.
  • More internet time.
  • More time with the family.
  • I save more money to buy stuff.
  • No birthday/anniversary gift idea pressure.
  • No worrying about your significant other’s whereabouts and vice versa.
  • You can go out with absolutely anybody you’re interested in.
Anyway, I’ve searched my Facebook photos, and found two pictures for your photo-shopping pleasure. Enjoy.

Filed under: about me, emo

The Moment Everything Stopped and Continued in Slow Motion

Tumigil ang buhay. Parang slomo, makulay.


Arguably my favorite lyrics ever, by one of my favorite local indie acts, Ang Bandang Shirley.

It’s hard to keep chasing something that don’t want to be chased. Think of it like a dog chasing a mechanical rabbit. The dog, well, he just wants to catch that rabbit. I don’t care what it wants to do with the rabbit, but you can really see the determination the dog has for the rabbit. The rabbit, meanwhile, is mechanical, thus, don’t feel anything, except where the control takes it.

While I learned this a few years ago, I’m gonna tell you a story, about how the world stops, turns upside down, goes in slow motion, and finally decides to go back to the speed of things, leaving you with a mild concussion. Actually, I’m gonna tell you a story of when this happened to me. Which is why those lyrics have become so dear to me.

It was noon. A lot of people going to and fro and I was one of them. There I was, my mind wandering with my feet, like a bottle floating in the sea, I didn’t mind where the current takes me. Anyway, while I was staring blankly to a sea of people, a proverbial lady in red appeared out of nowhere. And just like in The Matrix, Morpheus (my attention) called me out for wondering about the lady and when I looked again, Agent Smith (shock, awe, whatever) is pointing a gun at me, as time froze.

And I wondered: was it really her? Somebody I haven’t seen in months, but still manage to catch my attention even with the last strand of hair? It was her. Oh my dear crap she’s so pretty. So, do I chase her and have small talk? IT REALLY IS HER! WHAT TO DO? WHAT TO DO?

After about 8 seconds of standing in the middle of a crowd, I find myself some place else like I was narcoleptic or something. It was really weird, what happened.

Alas, a few months later, I learn she’s a lesbian and dating another girl. They’re pretty serious right now, so there’s really nothing much I can do about it but to accept and let it go and keep walking in a sea of blurred out people until I find another woman in a red dress.

*sighs*

Filed under: about me, ang bandang shirley, emo, the matrix