averageness, commonness, commonplaceness, normality

Starbucks Terminologies

If you’ve never been to a Starbucks before, you’ll probably have the same problem I had when I purchased my first ever cup of coffee: their naming convention. Well, that and besides their lack of seats (maybe there’s just too many folks hanging out there).

I got strange looks from strangers when I was asking for a medium sized Caramel Frappe. “Ah, ‘Grande’ sir.” “OK, whatever you say.”

At first, I thought it was crazy to call the smallest cup “Tall”, the medium one “Grande” and the tallest cup “Venti”. Not until I Googled it that I realized there was a smaller cup they called “Short” (thus, explaining Tall). Grande is Italian for big (which only makes sense when you compare it to Tall), and Venti means 20 ounces. Those pretentious muthers.

Anyway, ’tis the season for yuppies to be enslaved by these pretentious a-holes. For every purchase, earns you a sticker. Get enough stickers, you get a slick Starbucks Planner in exchange. And if Starbucks wasn’t pretentious enough (seriously, ‘pretentious’ is the only word I will be describing them), they also named the colors of their planners differently:

  • Red = Velvet
  • Gray = Metallic
So why are they calling their product a very ordinary ‘planner’? Let’s take it up a notch and list down a few possible names for the planner:
  • Starbucks Agenda Rememberer
  • Starbucks Unimportant Events Logbook
  • Starbucks Circumstance/Excuse Recorder
  • Starbucks Chronology of Affairs Lister
Those are just some of my ideas ( helped). What are yours?

Filed under: starbucks, starbucks planner